Vacation, all I ever wanted....

Hey Folks,

Just wanted to let you all know that there may not be any new antics for a few days, as the Lady and the Man are going to Hawaii. Thankfully, they are shipping the Bitch and her cone off to Lola's house so Miss Cleo and I can entertain in style for a few days. They're leaving the credit cards, right?

So, unless Lola's mom decides to post some double dog antics from her house, we'll see you in a few days. Hopefully, by then the stupid dog will no longer be living in that freaking bubble. If she comes at me in that thing one more time, I'm taking her eyes out.

Peace Out,

Grandmaster Chewie

P.S. You better bring me some puka shells or I am going to puka all over your sofa. Love, M.C.

The Legend of Conehead, the Dogbarian

Witness the power of Conehead! Sucking her enemies into the vortex of her magical cone, she wipes out evil and leaves peace in the land.












Flanked by her ever-flatulent sidekick, Short-Ra, Princess of Chower, there is no chance for lesser creatures or the mortals that feed them when faced with Short-Ra's canine gasses.














Watch as Conehead lures in her prey with promises of ass-licking, only to slurp them into the beyond with her elasto-tongue! Lock your doors, cover your crotches and hide your cats......

It's Cone-fusing

Ok ok, joke's over. Take this thing off of me. Stop taking pictures, and just take it off.

What do you mean, no? Yes, I guess I was licking my stitches, but I don't see how sticking a lampshade on my head has anything to do with that. Do you know what a pain this is? I am bumping into everything I get within a foot of. The cats run away from me, Cousin Lola seems to be avoiding me, and it takes me freakin' forever to eat dinner.

Haven't you heard me whining quietly? Don't you even feel a little bit bad for me? Can't you show some mercy?


You guys suck.

Friends, Old and New

Cousin Lola is here this week!
That means we do a lot of this:

The picture is blurry because we are moving SO fast. The last few nights of sleepovers have been pretty fun, lots of ear cleaning and discussions on poop eating.









Today, because the Lady felt so guilty about having to work all week, we got to go swimming.



Well, I guess technically we didn't swim, but we got nice and wet and then walked around in the dirt at which the point the Lady said something under her breath that sounded not so nice. Normally, I don't get in the pool as I find it much more fun to run around it in circles and bark, but since cousin Lola is here, I thought I would try to be more adventurous.




The other big news around here is that we have a new member of our gang! Introducing Miss Stella Wilson Farrell, hailing from beautiful Altadena. I haven't gotten to meet her yet, but I'm hoping to visit her soon and give her some pointers on things like not listening to commands and jumping around like a deranged bunny rabbit. The Lady says those are my strong points, what does she mean by that? Anyway, welcome Stella!!

Crack Kills

Chewie Cat, don't you know that crack kills? You need to stop smoking up so regularly. You are, after all, the oldest sibling and are supposed to set an example, but if you keep getting high and acting out, we all get hurt.




We've all tried intervening, but all you do is hiss, spit , bite and stick out that tongue. Don't you see how the drugs have taken over?
















All I can say is, if you don't get some help soon, you're going to be living in that paper bag for a very long time. And don't expect any of us to pay your dealer.

The Investigation Continues

Following the horrific murder of John Doe Stuffed Toy last week, the resulting allegations against one Miss Cleo (aliases include "Baby Cat" and "Fatty") were thrown into question today when the cat's alibi of having been trapped in a paper bag at the time of the attack was indeed verified. The investigation then shifted its focus to a Miss Lucendra Deboerayan, also present at the time of the incident. Although she had previously claimed she was unable to commit such a crime due to debilitating pain from recent surgery, the dog was recently seen jumping and prancing all about the neighborhood, casting doubt on her claims of ill health.

A top investigator was brought in, known for his interrogation skills:



And after a vicious browbeating....



...Deboerayan confessed, even providing the investigator with photos proving her guilt.



The investigator, going the extra mile to see peace prevail, also mediated a truce between Deboerayan and "Fats Catty" who was still fuming from being framed.



WIth the truth finally revealed, fear of stuffed toy backlash waned. Sentencing for Deboerayan is yet to be determined.

A Retort

Hang on just a goddamn minute. You're not actually buying any of that, are you? (see previous post) I have been framed, you imbeciles. I never touched that stuffed animal, never even met him for god's sake. This is just another example of the sort of propaganda that is swirling out of control around here. Oh, poor stupid puppy, had to have surgery, we all feel so bad for you. Well, no one shows you the other pictures:




Seems like she's feeling pretty good now, doesn't it? And yes, that's my ass she's shoving her nose into. Oh sure, everyone laughs when it happens, no one tries to help me out and maybe I do purr every once in a while.....but I'm telling you, its sexual harrasment and there's only so much more I can take. Especially if I have to take the fall for her murderous attacks. I'm calling my lawyer.

Not for the faint of heart

In a world gone mad.....












...senseless acts of violence do occur.












But without a witness, does the evidence point to the true perpetrator? No one will ever know.

Doggie Discomfort

Oof...

..no more painkillers....

...so hard to get comfortable....





















....no energy for eating single grape.....

...goddamn...

It only hurts when I do ANYTHING

Lucy, here.

Forgive me if I am not my usual bouncy, happy self. You see, the folks who live here seem to think that taking me to the vet, having my belly ripped open and precious ladylike tissue removed is a great way to pass the time. Was this my paid vacation? I certainly hope not.

And now, what do I do? No walks, no rolling in the grass for freakin' two weeks. At least the cats are being understanding:



Isn't she so sweet? I think she's finally warming up to me. Although, it was weird how she didn't seem really happy when I got home yesterday. And I swear one of them was clawing at my stitches while I was asleep. But maybe I was just dreaming, drugs can sure make you loopy!

By the way, since the cats did all the intros yesterday, they didn't mention the special guests that may appear from time to time. There's my cousin, Lola F. Blumayan:


Who, despite her short, stumpy legs is an excellent dancer and taught me at a young age the joys of eating cat shit.

And then there's Bernard.

Isn't he gorgeous? He is totally my boyfriend, I don't care what anyone says. I know he looks a little terrified in this picture, sort of like he can't wait to get the hell out of my house, but trust me, he loves me. And all that stuff his mom says about how he only likes to hump boys? Forget it, its just a phase. Anyway, its time to look for more puppy vicodin. Bye!

Day One

Whose blog is this, you may ask? We are the residents of a lovely Los Angeles area home for animals and the morons who love them. On the left is Chewie, age 4, a handsome and frisky grey and white tabby with a lovely singing voice. Opposite him, is the lovely Miss Cleo, also age 4 and a true tabby as she will be quick to point out. Any resemblance to the TV psychic Miss Cleo is purely coincidental, don't get any ideas. And if this is the feds reading this, you will NEVER find me! Moving on, relaxing on the floor where she is most often found when not shoving her bottle nose up someone's crotch is Lucy, a one year old dingo/kangaroo/deer mutt that dropped from some alien dog planet.

We will attempt to entertain with tales of our antics (thus the name) because we have discovered that the Lady and the Man (our "owners", ha!) seem to spend countless hours regaling their friends and family with stories of our behavior. And if there is ever any cash to be made off of this, we got here first. They may think we don't know how to handle money, but they don't know about Miss Cleo's account in the Caymans. Who's a dumb animal now, suckers?