Animal Farm Antics

A new blog!

2006-01-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

Baby Schnozz
Originally uploaded by bdeboer.

Baby Lucy sez: Come check out the Lady's new blog named after me, of course.

Run, Lucy, Run

See you there!

Happy Holidays!

2005-12-29T22:49:00.000-08:00

Howl-o-ween

2005-11-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

With so many fantastic Halloween costumes to choose from, it cna be difficult for a girl to settle on just one. This year Lucy went not only as the neighborhood skunk........

......but also as Darth Vader. Pretty soon, it will be time for antlers and Santa hats! Aren't the holidays joyous?

Survival of the Fittest

2005-10-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

In an effort to make their otherwise uneventful lives more exciting, the domestic felines often shake their world up by sleeping in odd places....

......and even potentially dangerous spots. American Shorthair Chewbacca Cat demonstrates this practice by placing himself beneath the hulking mass of a Pottery Barn box (catalog not included).

Diary of a Mad Black Dog

2005-10-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

4:34pm.

4:51 p.m.

4:59 p.m.

5:00 p.m.

5:00 + 9 seconds

Letter from Camp: Lola F. Blumayan

2005-10-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been 5 long days since you dropped me off at Cousin Lucy's house for my "spa" trip. I though spas were supposed to be relaxing, with people waiting on you hand and foot. This place sucks. No one pays attention to me when I grumble and complain, and they don't find my farting nearly as entertaining as you do. And why is it that when I start barking at them at 4:45, they don't know to get off their fat asses and feed me?

They seem to think I am BFF's with Lucy, but she actually drives me up the wall. When she isn't sticking her nose up someone's ass, she's trying to bite my legs off. I would slap her if I could just get my balance.

But, the weekend wasn't a total loss. On Sunday morning we went to the Rose Bowl for the Wiggle Waggle Walk, sponsored by the Pasadena Humane Society. There were tons of dogs and people there, walking running and biking for a good cause. Apparently, dogs weren't allowed to run the 3.1 miles (and seriously, who would want to do that? it sounds exhausting...), so we all walked. We got lots of free snacks afterwards (oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you about that) and free bandanas. The walking was super, super hard but I did my best, you know, for the kids.

Hope you're having fun in Mexico. Oh, I hear its been raining a lot down there? Yeah, serves you right, assholes.

Love and Kisses,

Lola

From the Super Secret Diaries of Lucy Deboerayan.....

2005-09-20T21:18:00.002-07:00

Dear Diary,

This weekend was a pretty good one by my standards. On Saturday, I went out to RIverside to visit Aunt Wendy, Uncle Ted, and Cousin Stinky. I also met Cousin Boogscott for the first time (see picture, left). Even though I know its wrong for me to say this, he's pretty cute and he pays a lot more attention to me than that Bernard. Always giving me kisses, and trying to run off into dark corners with me. But I guess you're not supposed to love your cousin in THAT way, our kids could come out with three heads. When I told the Lady that, she just laughed and said something about "non-existent uterus" and "in your dreams." She's such a bitch sometimes.

The next morning, we went out to the West Side (represent) to watch the Lady run around. I don't really see what the big deal is, I run around all day along and nobody applauds or gives out prizes.

The Man must have been bored too because he spent most of the morning taking "artsy" pictures of me. At least I got to keep my clothes on.

The Lady leaves for Italy tomorrow, which means it will be just me, the Man and the cats for a few days. The Man always remarks about how quiet it is when the Lady leaves town. Sometimes, he's sharper than I give him credit for. Hopefully, he will do some blogging so our fan base doesn't dwindle more than it already has. I swear, if I lose my Chicken Stripz endorsement they're going to hear about it.

Love always,

Lucy

Really.....

2005-09-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

.....I swear you don't look fat. Do I look fat? Oh, come on, I'm so freakin' bloated. But you look great. No, seriously.....yes, of course I would tell you. Chewie said what? What a pig, don't even listen to him. You look really good.

Postcard from Hawaii

2005-09-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Kids,

Aloha from beautiful Hawaii! I know that you're all bitter about not getting to come on this trip, but keep in mind that under Hawaiian law, you would have had to have been in quarantine for at least 30 days before you could go snorkeling with us. And don't forget, I hear they used to make animal sacrifices to the volcano here so, maybe you're better off at home.

Our trip has been wonderful, we saw the volcanoes, went kayaking and did lots and lots of snorkeling. We saw a sea turtle every time we went, which was amazing, and then we went to a black sand beach where the turtles came right up to the shore. It was great to see them up close, but of course the idiot tourists were all scampering around on the rocks trying to touch them, even though the signs clearly encouraged otherwise.

Truth be told, the Man may have been less than 15 feet away from that turtle for purely photographic purposes, but I only yelled at him a little.

Anyway, we miss you all very much and hope you are behaving yourselves. Lucy, I hear that Cousin Lola ate your conehead, I hope you didn't put her up to it. And kitties, I don't want to see any empty vodka bottles lying around outside when I pull up to the house on Tuesday. For God's sake, at least clean up after yourselves this time.

Love,

The Lady & The Man

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

There are many great organizations helping to rescue stranded, injured and homeless animals in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Here are links to just a few that we have come across:

Best Friends Animal Society

Humane Society of the United States

American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

The Houston SPCA

I will update this as often as I can!

Vacation, all I ever wanted....

2005-08-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks,

Just wanted to let you all know that there may not be any new antics for a few days, as the Lady and the Man are going to Hawaii. Thankfully, they are shipping the Bitch and her cone off to Lola's house so Miss Cleo and I can entertain in style for a few days. They're leaving the credit cards, right?

So, unless Lola's mom decides to post some double dog antics from her house, we'll see you in a few days. Hopefully, by then the stupid dog will no longer be living in that freaking bubble. If she comes at me in that thing one more time, I'm taking her eyes out.

Peace Out,

Grandmaster Chewie

P.S. You better bring me some puka shells or I am going to puka all over your sofa. Love, M.C.

The Legend of Conehead, the Dogbarian

2005-08-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

Witness the power of Conehead! Sucking her enemies into the vortex of her magical cone, she wipes out evil and leaves peace in the land.

Flanked by her ever-flatulent sidekick, Short-Ra, Princess of Chower, there is no chance for lesser creatures or the mortals that feed them when faced with Short-Ra's canine gasses.

Watch as Conehead lures in her prey with promises of ass-licking, only to slurp them into the beyond with her elasto-tongue! Lock your doors, cover your crotches and hide your cats......

It's Cone-fusing

2005-08-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

Ok ok, joke's over. Take this thing off of me. Stop taking pictures, and just take it off.

What do you mean, no? Yes, I guess I was licking my stitches, but I don't see how sticking a lampshade on my head has anything to do with that. Do you know what a pain this is? I am bumping into everything I get within a foot of. The cats run away from me, Cousin Lola seems to be avoiding me, and it takes me freakin' forever to eat dinner.

Haven't you heard me whining quietly? Don't you even feel a little bit bad for me? Can't you show some mercy?

You guys suck.

Friends, Old and New

2005-08-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

Cousin Lola is here this week!
That means we do a lot of this:

The picture is blurry because we are moving SO fast. The last few nights of sleepovers have been pretty fun, lots of ear cleaning and discussions on poop eating.

Today, because the Lady felt so guilty about having to work all week, we got to go swimming.

Well, I guess technically we didn't swim, but we got nice and wet and then walked around in the dirt at which the point the Lady said something under her breath that sounded not so nice. Normally, I don't get in the pool as I find it much more fun to run around it in circles and bark, but since cousin Lola is here, I thought I would try to be more adventurous.

The other big news around here is that we have a new member of our gang! Introducing Miss Stella Wilson Farrell, hailing from beautiful Altadena. I haven't gotten to meet her yet, but I'm hoping to visit her soon and give her some pointers on things like not listening to commands and jumping around like a deranged bunny rabbit. The Lady says those are my strong points, what does she mean by that? Anyway, welcome Stella!!

Crack Kills

2005-08-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

Chewie Cat, don't you know that crack kills? You need to stop smoking up so regularly. You are, after all, the oldest sibling and are supposed to set an example, but if you keep getting high and acting out, we all get hurt.

We've all tried intervening, but all you do is hiss, spit , bite and stick out that tongue. Don't you see how the drugs have taken over?

All I can say is, if you don't get some help soon, you're going to be living in that paper bag for a very long time. And don't expect any of us to pay your dealer.

The Investigation Continues

2005-08-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Following the horrific murder of John Doe Stuffed Toy last week, the resulting allegations against one Miss Cleo (aliases include "Baby Cat" and "Fatty") were thrown into question today when the cat's alibi of having been trapped in a paper bag at the time of the attack was indeed verified. The investigation then shifted its focus to a Miss Lucendra Deboerayan, also present at the time of the incident. Although she had previously claimed she was unable to commit such a crime due to debilitating pain from recent surgery, the dog was recently seen jumping and prancing all about the neighborhood, casting doubt on her claims of ill health.

A top investigator was brought in, known for his interrogation skills:

And after a vicious browbeating....

...Deboerayan confessed, even providing the investigator with photos proving her guilt.

The investigator, going the extra mile to see peace prevail, also mediated a truce between Deboerayan and "Fats Catty" who was still fuming from being framed.

WIth the truth finally revealed, fear of stuffed toy backlash waned. Sentencing for Deboerayan is yet to be determined.

A Retort

2005-08-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hang on just a goddamn minute. You're not actually buying any of that, are you? (see previous post) I have been framed, you imbeciles. I never touched that stuffed animal, never even met him for god's sake. This is just another example of the sort of propaganda that is swirling out of control around here. Oh, poor stupid puppy, had to have surgery, we all feel so bad for you. Well, no one shows you the other pictures:

Seems like she's feeling pretty good now, doesn't it? And yes, that's my ass she's shoving her nose into. Oh sure, everyone laughs when it happens, no one tries to help me out and maybe I do purr every once in a while.....but I'm telling you, its sexual harrasment and there's only so much more I can take. Especially if I have to take the fall for her murderous attacks. I'm calling my lawyer.

Not for the faint of heart

2005-08-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

In a world gone mad.....

...senseless acts of violence do occur.

But without a witness, does the evidence point to the true perpetrator? No one will ever know.

Doggie Discomfort

2005-08-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

Oof...

..no more painkillers....

...so hard to get comfortable....

....no energy for eating single grape.....

...goddamn...

It only hurts when I do ANYTHING

2005-08-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Lucy, here.

Forgive me if I am not my usual bouncy, happy self. You see, the folks who live here seem to think that taking me to the vet, having my belly ripped open and precious ladylike tissue removed is a great way to pass the time. Was this my paid vacation? I certainly hope not.

And now, what do I do? No walks, no rolling in the grass for freakin' two weeks. At least the cats are being understanding:

Isn't she so sweet? I think she's finally warming up to me. Although, it was weird how she didn't seem really happy when I got home yesterday. And I swear one of them was clawing at my stitches while I was asleep. But maybe I was just dreaming, drugs can sure make you loopy!

By the way, since the cats did all the intros yesterday, they didn't mention the special guests that may appear from time to time. There's my cousin, Lola F. Blumayan:

Who, despite her short, stumpy legs is an excellent dancer and taught me at a young age the joys of eating cat shit.

And then there's Bernard.

Isn't he gorgeous? He is totally my boyfriend, I don't care what anyone says. I know he looks a little terrified in this picture, sort of like he can't wait to get the hell out of my house, but trust me, he loves me. And all that stuff his mom says about how he only likes to hump boys? Forget it, its just a phase. Anyway, its time to look for more puppy vicodin. Bye!

Day One

2005-08-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

Whose blog is this, you may ask? We are the residents of a lovely Los Angeles area home for animals and the morons who love them. On the left is Chewie, age 4, a handsome and frisky grey and white tabby with a lovely singing voice. Opposite him, is the lovely Miss Cleo, also age 4 and a true tabby as she will be quick to point out. Any resemblance to the TV psychic Miss Cleo is purely coincidental, don't get any ideas. And if this is the feds reading this, you will NEVER find me! Moving on, relaxing on the floor where she is most often found when not shoving her bottle nose up someone's crotch is Lucy, a one year old dingo/kangaroo/deer mutt that dropped from some alien dog planet.

We will attempt to entertain with tales of our antics (thus the name) because we have discovered that the Lady and the Man (our "owners", ha!) seem to spend countless hours regaling their friends and family with stories of our behavior. And if there is ever any cash to be made off of this, we got here first. They may think we don't know how to handle money, but they don't know about Miss Cleo's account in the Caymans. Who's a dumb animal now, suckers?